I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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