I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
