**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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