Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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