just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
