u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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