woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize