the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
