nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
