Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
