There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
