For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
