omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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