the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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