So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
