Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
