I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize