I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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