all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
