I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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