I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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