I am puke
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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