I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
where are you?
Hypothermia
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
