Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
