I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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