I didn't shave. On purpose
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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