hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
