he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
