It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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