He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
