Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
