I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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