he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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