She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
