If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
