This is not my ceiling
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
