Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
