Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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