It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, beer. Big fan.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
