idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
