I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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