ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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