is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you didnt know i had herpes?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
