Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize