I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
