So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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