they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
