The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
