i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
