I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
