I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
