They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
