Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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