I'm jealous of your bromance
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I believe in your delicious
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
