i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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