i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
