Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
