On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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