yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
