So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
