You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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