reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
