Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
