wanna go halves on a baby?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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