I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
