Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize