I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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