she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
