dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
