its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
