Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
