Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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